Salads [or

give the baby his bottle].

Few things bring me closer to the state of readiness than the ability to assess the waking light as unattainable. Suddenly I sit on the edge of an eclipse, outrunning a boulder, constructing my hang glider in hopes of going-fast barefoot with the vastness of valleys-cut muscles and upper boy/body strength.

I quit my job and have never been so [pre –s]sure of something. There are lists of all sorts concerning the category: “spending my time deconstructing this sprouting life was unsatisfactory”. Factory. One can only handle the difference of huge personality subtractions for so long. Many situations occurred in which I was the forerunner of a poorly designed immoral game. There was no volume for me to suspend thoughts in. there was no outlet for everything that got muted in English.

I could climb outside myself and pound on the walls and the sneering echo of defeat would lick all the corners of the triumphant all-mighty dollar. The very perforation stubbing his toes inside the temperatures wrenched. I wasn’t comfortable on my high rusting rung of retired respect. Kick myself out by the shirt collar, stray dark red hairs stuck to my neck and blood sopped cheeks. I was unified to the controlled tension in my lips. You can’t comprehend the march of startled controlled lemons on personal assignment.

- I quit my job.

My mother and I went to Viva Farm and picked out fruits [and for the first time, together, a pineapple]. Imported Korean candy, milked jell-o’z, pungent thick herbs lined the air conditioned section. I ate a nectarine and didn’t pay for it. I started to feel weird about eating the whole fruit to the pit and throwing it behind the car and returning to the line for checkout.

I have had the smell of fruits coming from my vagina ever since I got my period. It is not entirely unpleasant just something I’ve never experienced. I wont entertain the though of fruit of my womb. That’s unnecessary.

I’m leaving for Vermont tomorrow with Fai. Iv’e not been there in a year. I am supposed to come up with something brilliant due to the change of location. That’s a lot of pressure. I can tell you that I was in Poughkeepsie yesterday and fell in love with the moldings on each rusting stone efface. The streets were very empty. I think that allowed me to feel a perfect absence akin to a photograph. Gave my eyes screwable filters. I’m staying away from Mount Vernon until I am forced to go back. The things I was forced to do under the pretense of employment… walking those streets in misery and heat. Just so, just so.

The other day I was warned about chlorine burns and I noticed my fingers were gone. Today I was warned about distracting people who are holding knives. Yesterday I was cautioned to maintain my structural innocence but I’ve decided that was bad advice.