from my rhodia

tonight:
" i have to remember to listen to piecemaker [cephalic carnage] whenever i'm feeling especially shitty, unloved or stuck at parkchester on the goddamn <6> [& that diamond means express mind you] traffic bullshit. this late at night everything is in hyper despair and the strange colors of burroughs closing in on you- shooting the train further out and away from the heartcore of light pollution. everything is really silent except for my head and my mouth chewing this gum. the girl across from me has nice eyes. my life has been ruined by the textures of a days flow."

my handwriting is also in a style i havent written in for months.
>>>i imagine being choked by someone i love, feeling the noisy neck vertabrae take on a mutant life in their hands. i know this feeling and have yet to understand the physical aspect. what im saying, i guess; is i want you to choke me FOR REAL so i can have a justified cause and effect in the eyes of some sidewalking god. whenever i banish myself into this rutted, carpeted forest of thick synapses- i get this childish need to listen to that song by nirvana [not released on any album-- i dont think ive even had a conversation about nirvana since high school] called "down in the dark." because feeling light and singy while going into the cliched "pit of despair" has been an aspiration since i watched annie and knew ahead of time that her parents, the Mudges were fucking dead.
sing why dont you.